When You Just Can’t Seem To Agree

One of the things I have discovered and come to appreciate in my marriage is allowing time for space. What do I mean by this? There have been times when my husband and I come to a place where we may disagree, and it is during these times we realize that it’s important to step away from the conversation, especially when we are not in agreement. I used to go on, what I call, my roller coaster rides. Wondering what did I say, what can I do to fix this, what is he thinking, was I right or wrong, and then apologizing sometimes too often and finding that this wasn’t helping. He still needed time to process; even though I just wanted things to go back to normal and the disagreement be over, it didn’t always work like that. I finally came to the realization that I needed to be quiet, let things go, and allow myself and my husband the space to just process.

Allowing yourself and your significant other the space to process can be very helpful in a relationship. It allows time for self-care and growth. You come to realize that apologizing for something is not always the answer. The situation usually resolves on its own over time.

We are not always going to agree with our partners, and that’s okay; we don’t have to. You usually come back together after a while. It’s okay to say, “I know we don’t agree right now, and hopefully, we will over time, and what would you like for dinner?” (smiling). And if the response is “I’m not hungry now.” Then say, “okay… well, I’m going to cook something, and I’ll cook you something too so you can eat when you are ready” (or something similar). Then walk away and allow space and time to heal the problem. The discussion may come up again, and it may not; address it when and if it does. If it doesn’t arise, consider what caused it and if it can be overlooked, let it go. In the meantime, enjoy a night or day to yourself.

Here are some me time ideas:

• Watch a movie
• Take a walk or a bike ride and listed to some calming music or your favorite playlist
• Meditate
• Read a book that is hard to put down
• Go to the spa
• Get your nails and/or feet down
• Do some weeding or pruning – nature has a way of calming us down
• Write in your journal
• Just Dance
• Read your favorite magazine
• Do a hobby